An Honest Case For Bombing Syria

We cannot allow unelected criminal gangs to run wild in Syria, destroying civilisations, brutally and indiscriminately murdering innocents, mutilating, imprisoning, torturing and displacing whole populations. For this type of thing is the job of western democracies such as the UK, and it demands a certain level of sophistication to pull off.

Don’t get me wrong, Islamic State have mastered the brutality aspect, they have potential, but they are amateurish and draw unnecessary attention to their actions. Not yet stately in any sense. Our Great Britannia did not get to where she is in the world by filming and disseminating evidence of our human rights abuses. We kept schtum, we flung a cloak of respectability over the Boer Concentration camps and the Amritsar Massacre.

To take just one example, our people acted professionally when they were rounding up hundreds of thousands of Kenyans and holding them without charge in squalid death camps. While it is true we systematically engaged in less than fragrant acts such as sodomising folk with knifes and lopping off the odd limb, unlike Isis we did this in a formal, secretive and dignified fashion.  Our great ally Obama, leader of our country’s special friend country, knows this only too well. His Kenyan grandfather was lucky enough to have had the character building experience of British soldiers forcing pins into his fingernails and buttocks while squeezing his testicles between metal rods. When the Islamic State do this sort of thing it’s all over bloody youtube. Obama must surely appreciate the confidential and decorous way in which his grandfather was brutalised. And now Obama needs our help brutalising Syria and I would argue it would be betraying our heritage not to oblige.

Islamic State are no lost cause though. They haven’t been in the terror game for as long as us and they are showing signs of improvement. Killing them is out of the question.  They don’t march about in the open or hang out in barracks creating a nice khaki bombing range like a conventional army might. They decided long ago that if anyone was going to turn them into projectile mince it was going to be themselves. No, they prefer to hang out in civilian areas like large tower blocks or around schools. We can use this to our advantage. If we can’t beat them we can join them. The more innocent civilians we accidentally kill the stronger and more state like Isis will become and a brutal state is something we can work with.

We have evidence for this – before 9-11 there was a only few hundred of them hanging around in caves, smoking opium and playing over-optimistic games of Risk. The civilian deaths and political vacuums we have left in recent military endeavours have swollen their numbers and allowed them to grow exponentially. So if we create even more carnage in Syria we may be able to drum them up enough support and legitimacy to help form their prophesied caliphate. Then we could sell them weapons directly instead of having to sell them to the Turks and Saudis first. Obtaining oil is a lot easier when dealing with a proper nation. And if we help them gain statehood we will have a moral obligation to turn a blind eye to any atrocities they commit. For a small fee we could even train them to commit atrocities properly.

Now the problem with this plan is the cover story is a bit weak. Don’t get me wrong, there are enough corrupt and dimwitted politicians in the Commons to pass a vote for more bombing, but the general public as a whole will not be as easily hoodwinked. You don’t have to be Frank Columbo to deduce that the tale Cameron has told parliament of the 70,000 good guys on the ground just waiting for air support is bit suspect.

The situation on the ground is more akin to a deadly and highly convoluted version of Monty Python People’s Front Of Judea sketch. You have the Syrian Army (Baddies), not to be mistaken for the Free Syrian Army (Goodies). Then you have the Al-Quds Force and Basij Militia who are pretty nasty and supporting Assad. Also loyal to the current leader you have a bunch of militia armies comprised of Shiites, Alawites, Baathists, Sunnis, Communists and Christian, none of whom particularly get along. And Hezbolla who don’t like to be left out.

Trying to dispose of the state we have the Islamic front, who are apparently goods Islamists, the type who you could take home to see your mum as long as she was wearing a Burka. They are composed of Ahrar as-Sham, Suquor al-Sham Brigades, The Tawhid Brigade, The Haq Brigade, The Ansar al-Sham Battalions and The Islam Army.

Then we have the Al Qaeda franchise holding Sunni Islamists, Jabhat Al-Nusra who spawned their now enemy the Islamic State. And on the peripheries we have the Kurdish Nationalist and the Christian Syriac Military Council.

Each of these groups is fighting their own battle while at the same time being used by Nation States as pawns in a much larger geo-political power game. The Russians want to defeat Isis but keep Assad so are bombing the rebels and Isis. America want rid of Assad as well as Isis but can only bomb Isis as the Russians are helping the government. Our allies, the Saudis want rid of Assad and don’t mind the idea of a Caliphate so are helping Isis. The Turks want to bring down Assad but also hate the Curds so they just toss a coin in the morning and decide who to support from there. Iran, Jordan, Israel, Bahrain, France and several other countries are also involved.

The complex nature of the situation is both a curse and a blessing as far as persuading the UK public that war is necessary. Common sense dictates they would never be up for an action which will strengthen the terrorists. This antipathy to bombing Syria will be exasperated by the civil unrest the UK will experience in the coming years as we reduce public spending to historically low levels and sell off our remaining national assets to the private sector. These acts which are essentially a transfer of wealth away from the feckless towards the elites will cause more pain in the UK than Islamic State ever could.

The good news is that the colostomy bag that we have helped to create of the Middle East has increased the risk of terror in the UK. And there is nothing that makes a population more supine and yielding to power than a good dose of fear. So, although there will be some resistance, this will dissipate as we ramp up the Syrian slaughter and hence augment the terror exported to Europe. Besides, most of the public will begin to tow the line. As the cuts really take hold they will have more important things to be concerned about.

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